Postpartum Depression; You Are Not Alone!

Picture courtesy of: Pixy E

Six weeks after the birth of my amazing baby girl, who I had wanted and waited for for years, something weird happened. Something changed and it wasn't good.

My mother had often told me about the baby blues and that I should expect some feelings of sadness for a little while. But, what I was feeling was something different. I knew that something was strange about what I was feeling and that it wasn't just the baby blues.

I got up in the middle of the night. Both my husband and my daughter were sound asleep. I woke my husband and asked him if it felt really hot in our room. He grumbled a sleepy "no" and quickly went back to sleep. I quickly got out of bed because I felt this rush of heat througout my body.It felt like what I would call a cold sweat.

I sat in my bathroom on the floor, and as soon as the hot flash went away, it felt like all my feelings vaporized! They were gone! Someone had turned the emotion switch to the "off" position. I did eventually fall asleep that night and woke up the next morning with the saddest feeling I had ever felt. I felt like I wanted to die, but there was no reason for this feeling. I had the family I had always wanted and had every reason to be happy.

Instinctively, I knew what this feeling was. It was Postpartum Depression (PPD.) I just knew it! And, immediately along with the depression, it's best friend anxiety came along to visit and stayed fotr the duration. Soon, I began not to be able to recognize myself in the mirror. Later, after much research and getting help, I found out I was one of the women that suffered from depersonalization (dp.) Dp is a feeling of detachment from yourself, not feeling quite normal. You also feel as though you are watching scenes in your life instead of participating in your life situations. It also felt, from time to time, that my soul didn't fill up my entire body. Strange stuff. But, I knew these were all symptoms of my PPD.

I was not one that had intrusive thoughts, although that is incredibly common with PPD, I think maybe more so than Dp. These untrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts about bad things happening to your child, either by someone else or by your own hand.

But, it is very important to mention, that women who suffer from this, DO NOT want to hurt their babies. These thoughts, therefore, are incredibly disturbing for these loving moms who can't understand why they are thinking these things. There is also a fear that they might actually hurt their babies. Please know that It doesn't happen! Again, please know that this is a symptom of this horrible mood disorder PPD.

Also, it is good to note that the crazy stories that you read about women killing their babies are most likely from women suffering from Postpartum Psychosis(PPP.)

So back to my story. I began to call every psychiatrist in the yellow pages. I was astounded to find that there was very little knowledge and help out there for this type of disorder. Some psychiatrists even questioned whether I had a family history of schizophrenia! As a social worker, I knew that my demographic information and zero family history did not equate into a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

So, I kept looking for doctors, all the while researching everything I could about PPD. I read many biographies of women who had suffered with PPD , their struggles, quest for help, and finally, them getting better. And, make no mistake, WE ALL GET BETTER!
In my feverish quest, I also found a couple great support groups that were amazing. One group in particular,was a life saver for me. I will put a link to their website below.

Finally, after much searching, I found a doctor who ran a PPD support group in my area. She also became my psychiatrist. She did end up prescribing me medication for depression and anxiety, although finding the perfect depression medication was a struggle at first.

Also, on this note, I would like to mention something about PPD and medication.Not all women need medication to treat their PPD. This mood disorder can be likened to Diabetes in that while some women need medication to treat the disorder, some women can control their symptoms with diet and exercise, just like some diabetics. Medication just happened to be the best course of action for me. It may not be for you. That is something that you and your health professional need to decide.

In the end, I suffered with PPD for 15 months. It will not necessarily be that long for you. Each situation is different. The one thing that remains the same is that with help, you ALWAYS GET BETTER! So, please I beg of you, do not despair! There is help out there!

I won't lie, there were days that I felt so sad that I didn't know if I could go on. Clinical depression is strong and can take a strong hold on you! But, I held on to hope and the love of my family. I always had, what I called, a picture in my head of a single grain of glowing gold sand that I called, the last grain of hope. I saw it every time I closed my eyes.

I was also lucky that my daughter was my ray of hope. I never felt detached from her, as some moms do (but, please know that if you do feel detached, you are not a bad mom! You are suffering from a disorder and this too will get better!)

Anyhow, I was able to care for my daughter while my husband was at work. But, as soon as he came through the door, I would hand her over to him. I would almost collapse in exhaustion. It took all my emotional and physical strength to care for her every day. I was also lucky because I had a lot of support.

So ladies, I am telling you this story to confirm that you are not alone, and for you to hear that there is help out there! And,for you to know that it will get better!
Below I will put some signs and symptoms of PPD and the support group that I mentioned earlier. They helped me immensely. They were a great help, even if it was just to know that I wasn't crazy and I wasn't alone.
This post is a labor of love for me (pun intended.) It is for all of you ladies out there that may be suffering. I hope that you now know that there is help available to you, and you do not have to do this alone.  Please reach out!  I would be happy to talk to anyone , if you have questions for me, please comment below and where I can find you to talk to you further, or I will just comment below,with my answer, if you prefer. I hope this has helped, even just one women. If so, it has been worth it! Namaste. I love you all!

Signs and symptoms:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms
(some symptoms of PPD)

• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Intense irritability and anger
• Overwhelming fatigue
• Loss of interest in sex
• Lack of joy in life
• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Severe mood swings
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

 Signs and symptoms of Postpartum Psychosis (PPP)

• Confusion and disorientation
• Hallucinations and delusions
• Paranoia
• Attempts to harm yourself or your baby

When you should see a doctor

• Don't fade after two weeks
• Are getting worse
• Make it hard for you to care for your baby
• Make it hard to complete everyday tasks
• Include thoughts of harming yourself or your baby 

*All information abouve about PPD, PPP and When to see a docot are courtesy of Mayoclinic.com


*Help Resources:*
http://ppdsupportpage.com/
A great book about PPD, Down Came the Rain by: Brooke Shields.
Find me on Facebook at Katherine Meyer.

*Coming soon...Youtube video. I will be answering questions about my experience with PPD. I will put up link when it is complete. Stay tuned. TY

Gallery Girls on Bravo. The Best New Show on TV!

Courtesy of: Pablo Taking Pictures.

Have you seen this new show on Bravo called Gallery Girls? Before I go into telling you about the show, let me start off by saying that I am a Bravo junkie! I love many of the shows on Bravo, particularly the Real Housewives franchise, which has been a great success! With that said, I didn't think the Bravo network had come up with any great new show ideas that were worth watching, in a long period of time. Well, the streak seems to have been broken with this new show, Gallery Girls.

The show consists of seven 20 something girls living in New York City,  trying to make it in the art world, and the struggles they encounter.

Two of the girls, Claudia and Chantal, own a gallery/boutique shop which they just opened, called End of Century. Claudia's dream is to make it in the contemporary art scene. Chantal moved to the big city to pursue dance, but due to an unfortunate accident, was unable to continue her dancing career. She then became an art history major.

Angela, is a beautiful girl who comes from a strict Asian household. Both of Angela's parents are doctors and they have made it very clear to Angela, that they wished her to follow in their footsteps. If she couldn't do that, she should at the very least, become an attorney. Angela opposes her parent's idea of traditional success. Angela's passion is photography. She also models from time to time to pay the bills. And Angela unabashedly proclaims herself as boy crazy!

Maggie, another young woman on the show, is also trying to make herself a name in the art world. She is currently interning at Eli Klein studio. Eli Klein studio features Chinese contemporary art.  Maggie  isn't too thrilled about interning at Eli Klein, as Eli makes her work on very menial tasks such as filling the water bowl for his dog, as well as counting dirt pebbles in a few of  his bonsai tree art pieces! There does seem to be some strange sexual tension between Maggie and Eli, but it mostly comes from Eli, as Maggie has a boyfriend she seems quite enamored with.

Working with Maggie, is Liz, another one of Eli's interns who is treated quite different. Liz is the daughter of a major player and artist in the current art world, therefore, she is treated very well by Eli,  and Liz has no problem with that. Regardless of this, Liz and Maggie seem to hit it off and there is no tension or jealousy towards Liz on Maggie's part.

Amy is another member of Gallery Girls. Very much like Liz, Amy's father is a huge name in the art community. Because of her family's wealth, Amy is able to intern gratis and still live a very comfortable life in Manhattan. Amy is a bit of a party girl, and very much enjoys drinking and partying with boys. Her gregarious personality seems to rub some of the other girls the wrong way, even though Amy tries to be very kind to everyone.

Finally, there is Kerri. Kerri recently moved to her first apartment in New York and juggles a paying job as a conceirge for the rich and famous, while interning for an art adviser along with Amy. Kerri's dream is to pick out art for high echelon hotels.

The show follows each of these very different girls through their struggles in the big city, and explores their relationships with each other as well as family and friends.  I just adore this show. Perhaps, I love it because I enjoy living vicariously through these beautiful and ambitious girls.

I also enjoy seeing the city through the eyes of those in the NYC art world. I, myself, have always been a self proclaimed artist, selling my first painting at the age of six. It was a collaboration with my father, and I am still very proud of it! I am also a published author and artist, even though my pieces were published in my college newspaper! Ha! Exposure is exposure, right?

Anyway, back to the show, I am a huge fan and would highly recommend this show, if you are into art, or just a fan of reality t.v. I think Bravo has struck gold with this little gem of a show. And although the cast may change, as these women grow older and move on, I hope that the show will continue with new, up and coming girls. Bravo has a way of making shows evolve into something even better throughout the seasons.This is mostly evidenced in the Real Housewives shows.

 I just love this show and cannot recommend it enough. I think, like me, you will be hooked after watching the first episode. I give it two enthusiastic thumbs up. Good job Bravo.

Flipinista! The new look in casual footwear!

As I sat tweeting one day, as I normally do, I came across these amazing lovely flip flops that I know I would adore wearing! I immediately thought, now that is a great idea! These are high quality, charming, blinged out flip flops, that any girl would proudly wear. They are beautiful and would be great to wear with many different types of clothing such as a sundress, and even nice jeans and a t-shirt. And, as I found out more, I realized they can even be worn with dressier attire! I was so taken with these lovely flip flops that I wanted to contact their creator. So, that is what I did.

I contacted Monique, the lovely creator of Flipinista, and told her that I wanted to write about her beautiful foot wear. And, I was thrilled that she was as excited about the idea as I was. Monique informed me that Flipinista started about a year ago, in 2011.
Monique has always been a girl that wears high heels all the time, as many of her girl friends do. Many times, however, while hanging out with friends, they would throw off their high heels and slip on more comfortable shoes. These women explained that after wearing heels all day at work or running errands, they wanted to feel more comfortable in their personal lives, but felt badly about looking less dressed up and would often apologize to Monique for wearing less fancy foot wear. This is when Monique's idea about Flipinista came about.

Monique wanted girls to feel comfortable, while still looking and feeling fabulous about their foot attire. So, Monique began creating the beautiful and elegant Flipinistas flip flops. Each pair is personally designed by Monique. Once, the concept and design for a pair is complete, each pair is specially sewn by an expert. Nothing is glued on. The flip flops are made in Brazil and are 100% rubber, and no cheap embellishments are used.
Monique's designs are inspired by a number of things, but especially by the colors of nature. Special custom orders can also be made if you want your flip flops to encompass a certain theme, such as a nautical theme.

Monique happily exclaims that each design tells a story, "The strap acts as a paragraph, so at the end of every strap is a little something different to act as the period..Or in the case of Flipinista, TM , Exclamation point. It may be a tiny butterfly or crystal infused bead, something different to complete the story!"

The pricing for each pair varies and depends on whether you want a flat flip flop, or a wedge or kitty heel. The flat pairs are priced at $82 and the wedged and kitty heels are $92.

Monique prides herself and loves every detail that is put into each and every pair of Flipinista. Flipinista flip flops make great gifts for friends and family. They can be worn at just about any occasion because, while they are relaxed foot wear, they are quite fancy and undeniably beautiful! There are even Bridal Flipinistas! Monique proudly exclaims, "Bridal Flipinista's are all ONE OF A KIND, like the Bride herself! They arrive beautifully packaged. I have heard from clients that the packaging is as beautiful as the Flipinista! Love is in the details!!"

I, for one, think Flipinistas are just gorgeous! You can find Monique's Flipinistas on Facebook and Twitter on: Flipinista, Your BFF (best Flip Flop.) Flipinistas can also be ordered by phone. The phone number to call is available on both her Twitter and Facebook accounts.
So girls, check out the many different designs, some of which I have displayed here. Also, remember that you can order custom designs if you want a personal design of your own. I have fallen in love with these beautiful flip flops and wanted to share them with you. I know you will fall in love with them as much I did! So, please contact Monique and make your order! Happy walking! xoxo

What is ASMR?

Photo by:digit-drugs-binaural-beats

Have you ever heard someone speak, and it just soothed and calmed you? If you have, you probably never gave it a second thought. That's no big surprise. I have always found certain people's voices soothing, especially when they whispered and read to me. If this has happened to you, you might be experiencing a very real phenomenon that happens to 1 in 2000 people!
 It is called ASMR. ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Essentially, this is a very personal experience in which the person feels some sort of soothing physical sensation, such as tingle like feelings in different parts of their body, when listening to someone whisper or speak in a soft tone. Other sounds also trigger these tingle sensations such as listening to someone go through their purse belongings, reading a book, crinkling pages, using brushes, etc. These tingles and positive sensations have been often referred to as "brain orgasms" in the past. It is just another name for the ASMR sensation.

No one really knows why ASMR occurs in certain people. It has been speculated that ASMR may possibly be a type of Synesthesia. Synesthesia is characterized by the blurring of one sense into another. For example, people with synesthesia may see a color associated with a certain word or they may taste a specific food when hearing a certain word.There is no hard evidence that that is what is happening when experiencing ASMR, although there is a clear link between the sense of hearing and physical sensations within the body. One speculation about synesthesia,and therefore maybe ASMR, is that when the individual is born, they have an excess of brain cells which then somehow cause an overflow of one sense into another.

A lot of people with ASMR don't realize that the "thing" they are feeling has a name. They may not tell anyone about their feelings because they may assume that everyone feels the same, or that they are in fact so different that they do not want to be viewed as weird. ASMR is definitely a very real and very personal experience.

Again, there is little known about ASMR and what, if any function, it may have. One thing that is certain, is that there is nothing wrong with a person's brain who experiences these feelings. But, with that being said, I am sure that some people might feel funny telling others of their experiences. Please know, however, that you are far from alone! And, you should count yourself lucky to have such a soothing and pleasant experience just by simple sounds that you encounter! The brain is certainly a magnificent and astounding thing!

Howard Stern, King or Scoundrel?

Picture by: Casspixx

There is no doubt that Howard Stern is a provocative ,and often divisive figure in popular culture. Howard has millions of fans, many who have listened to his show for decades. But, with every fan you count, you can find an opponent who thinks Stern is just an attention starved pervert .It's no secret that, the great shock jock has stirred up much controversy during the decades he has been in radio.

There are two clear, distinct and prevalent schools of thought on Howard, and the radio show he has created. The first school of thought, which seems to be the most pervasive, is that Howard is an exploiter of vulnerable people: young, confused women are brought into the show to prance around topless, people desperate for money and attention are asked to participate in disgusting and demeaning games to win prizes. There are examples galore that may in fact, demonstrate that Howard is taking advantage of the less fortunate, and using them as entertainment on the show, and doing so ,all the while, pushing aside any moral implications.

The second school of thought argues that Howard is not exploiting people ,but in fact, just bringing forward, and to our attention, people that we ,the general population, are often just too uncomfortable seeing in their own living rooms. They may elicit some uncomfortable and confusing emotions within ourselves. We wouldn't want that! Furthermore, the second school of thought purports that Stern is, in fact ,a champion of free speech, and a courageous entertainer who compels us to listen to, and to pay attention to people who we may otherwise ignore.

So which opinion is the truest? Where does the truth really lie?And, most importantly, what questions can we ask to begin to get a sense of what really may be going on on the show? Simply, where can we look to find some clues? I would say that there is a definite place to look. When attempting to ask the question of exploitation on the Stern show, we should look at the group that seems to elicit the greatest feelings of exploitation every time they're on the show. They are the quintessential under dogs. They are often the butt of a joke when they are on the show. These folks are scoundrels, and misfits. They are delusional. They are smelly, and are just about as different from "us" as you can get. And Howard loves them. They are called the Wack Pack.

The Wack Pack as it it affectionately called, is filled with "characters" who have a vast array of physical and mental dysfunctions. They are dwarfs, the mentally retarded, drug addicts, alcoholics,and transgendered people.They also include people like "Debbie the Pet Lady" who has obvious emotional problems, screaming at the top of her lungs about every seemingly innocuous detail in her life. Howard loves her. The fact that Debbie cannot control her behavior, makes her an excellent guest. Another example is "John the Stutterer" who has such difficulty getting words out, that most people just laugh while they wait. Howard,actually seems to get frustrated with John's inability to "spit it out," but, the very fact that it is so frustrating to listen to John, is what makes it great,at least in Howard's world.

Ahhh, the beloved Wack Packers of the Howard Stern show. Fans know them all, and just like Howard, either love them or just love to hate them. The love/hate relationship that the audience has with the Wack Packers makes for great radio. People love to call in to explain their often visceral reactions to these people. And, this makes The Wack Packers, radio gold! When they are there, so are the listeners. Now, is this exploitation on Howard Stern's part? Maybe. Maybe not. Let's look at a couple of points that may, in fact, point out that the Wack Packers may receive something good in return for their appearances on the show.

Picture by: redfishmike

Firstly, and in a very real sense, the Howard Stern show has become a catalyst for the individual Wack Packers to talk about themselves and their lives.Remember,these are folks who would probably otherwise go unnoticed, and because of that, they are often very lonely. While on the show, they have a place to speak about their opinions, and participate in conversations and debates with people, that they may not have otherwise been able to socialize with. That seems to be a great thing for them.Wouldn't you agree? Secondly, most of the time,whenever Wack Packer appears on the show, they really do look like they are having an amazing time ! And, you have to admit, that's pretty cool. Now please don't get me wrong, I realize that these sensational characters are put on the show to be provocative, stupid and silly , but the fact remains that, they are there and they are noticed.

But there is a second point that needs to be explored, I believe, in order to fully answer the question of exploitation. That is... Do the Wack Packers come on the show completely of their own free will? Do they freely choose to return when the opportunity presents itself? Or, are people like Beetlejuice, and Gary The Retard somehow being coaxed into unknowingly being the punch line of a joke? Many people definitely think so, I'm sure. That is , of course, another real and obvious point of contention for opponents of the show! I suppose I can't really blame them. It's a question that has no clear answers because each individual is different in so many ways. Who is to say?

So, will there ever be an answer for all? Whose right? Whose wrong? I don't know. In Howard's defense he is definitely allowing people, that may otherwise be silent, to be heard, and on national t.v! Also, believe it or not, Howard definitely seems to be interested and compassionate towards his loyal guests. He is more interested in his Wack Packers than he is on any pop culture flavor of the month, that's for sure. He would much rather interview Crackhead Bob, the drug addict who caused himself permanent brain damage due to smoking crack than interviewing a socialite. He loves to hear from Eric The Midget, the wheelchair ridden, obnoxious little person, who has delusions of grandeur and is obsessed with American Idol. I'm sure he would be less excited to hear from any teenage pop idol. Howard couldn't care less about that. I can say that for sure.

So, I realize that Howard pokes fun at the Wack Packers. But,truly, he makes fun of a lot of his guests, and even his staff for that matter. It is true that most of the time the Wack Packers are not "in" on the joke, but again, jokes are often played on staff as well.Everyone is game on the show. No one is immune.No one is safe. So, in the end, I don't think that the Wack Packers are being exploited. I think Howard is just treating them as badly and as awesome as he treats everyone else. There is no special treatment. He goofs on all people alike. Is that exploitation or is that the ultimate way to make all people feel normal? I guess, if we are a listener of the show, that's a question we must all ultimately answer for ourselves.

Andy Cohen, Most Talkative. A Review

Photo by: Greginhollywood

I just finished reading the autobiography Of Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen is the producer of many reality shows on the Bravo TV network. He is also the host of his own hit Bravo show, Watch What Happens Live! As a producer, his most notable work is that of the series of Housewives shows, including The Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, D.C. and Miami. The Housewive's Franchise has been a great success on the network with the exception of, the Housewives of D.C and Miami which were unsuccessful ventures, cancelled shortly after their inception.At the end of each season, Mr. Cohen also hosts a wrap up show called the Real Housewives Reunion. This is done at the end of each season for each and every city that the show takes place in.

Before beginning the book, I was under the misconception that the book would mainly focus on his work with the Housewives franchise. I was pleasantly surprised that that was only one small part of the story.

So, I started to read the book because I had become a great fan of Mr. Cohen and his work on the Bravo network. I have become such a big fan in fact, that I often joke that he is my bff! (Mr. Cohen??? hmmm, I think Ill just call him Andy since we're bff's anyway.) As the book suggests, Andy is indeed talkative. He is also charming, and of course, a bit of a gossip (which is perfect for him since that is what reality tv is all about!.) The book was a great read. I read it in two sittings. Let me just say that I am a frequent reader, often reading two books simultaneously. So to finish his book so quickly, is a testament of how interesting it was.

In the book, Andy talks about his history in show business, his childhood in St. Louis, and most interesting of all, in is his struggle to come out of the closet at an early age. In addition to his stories about growing up, Cohen speaks about his obsession with soap operas. He describes a particular obsession with Ms. Susan Lucci, that becomes a recurring theme throughout the book.

This book was highly entertaining, easy to follow and Andy's charm comes through in each and every page. Unbelievably,I grew to love Andy even more, as I read the stories of his work as a journalist and anchor, including the many adventures and hijinx he was involved in while working with celebrities, many of which he greatly admired. You really get a sense of the many highs and lows he experienced in the TV industry.

Throughout the book , the humor is often self deprecating which endeared me to Andy even more! I would HIGHLY recommend this book, if you are interested in knowing more about this lovely and talented man known as Andy Cohen!